A Second Chance
by AlexandriaBlack
Summary: At the end of the day all you are left with is yourself. When you look back on your life will you be happy with the decisions you've made or will it be filled with regret and longing? MerlinxMorgana


The sunlight streamed through the forest lighting up different trees, leaves, and trails. How did she get here? That was a question Morgana constantly asked herself. She would have loved to blame other people. That was what she had been doing for the past few years, but she had come to the point where she couldn't live in denial anymore. Everything that had happened wasn't just their fault. It was her fault as well. Morgana had always craved to fit in. The other noble women teased her often as a younger girl, her ideas were always different than others, and she had had her fair share of unrequited love. She blushed thinking of Leon and Merlin. The entire world was busy living their lives while she stayed stuck in the past. A girl looking through a window. Her friends were all happy and yet here she was. Alone just like she always was. Morgana had her chance at happiness once, but she ruined it.

She wasn't known for making the best decisions. Morgana was emotional, unpredictable, and that made her reckless. She often made hasty decisions that she later regretted. There was one in particular that she couldn't forgive herself for. She could still picture his sparkling blue eyes and his dark hair. His easy going smile and selflessness. He would always go out of his way to help others even if that meant that he would get in trouble. She had never met anyone like him; even with the travelling she had done.

Everything changed the moment that he poisoned her. Actually the truth was that everything changed the moment that she met her sister. Morgana had craved her sister's love, but thinking back she had never quite received it. Sure her sister loved her in her own warped way, but she had been too blinded by hate and revenge. She could never forgive her sister Morgause for exploiting her weakness. Even before she discovered her abilities, she hadn't felt like she truly belonged there and her sister somehow figured that out. It was as if her sister slowly poisoned her herself. It started small, but Morgana remembered the anger she started to feel. She had always been jealous of Uther and Arthur's relationship. Uther hadn't cared for her until she had learned how to manipulate him. Whenever she disagreed with him, she would always receive punishment. Whenever Arthur chose to disobey him, he only received a lecture. Part of her still didn't completely agree with Morgause's plans for the future. When Merlin poisoned her, everything changed. Morgause had been able to manipulate the situation to get Morgana's loyalty.

She could still see the look on Merlin's face when she had discovered what he had done. There was so much pain and regret in his eyes. He had cried when he held her. When she returned, he tried to explain why he had done it. It was too late, Morgause's poison had worked and she had been lost. It took her a long time to revisit that memory objectively and see those emotions in Merlin's eyes. She couldn't regret that she had met her sister. Morgana knew she wouldn't be the person she was today if it wasn't for everything that had happened. Morgana had done terrible things. She knew that. Her dreams and thoughts every waking moment reminded her of her actions. Morgana didn't know when she had started to change again. To stop spouting Morgause's words. It was a slow process and she wasn't aware it was happening until it hit her.

Morgana had been looking for herbs in the forest when she heard voices. Upon closer inspection, she realized that it was Arthur and Merlin. Apparently they were hunting, because Arthur was blaming Merlin for scaring away the game. Merlin joked back and her heart hurt as she watched them. They were happy. Genuinely happy. Morgana remembered when she had been included in those moments with Gwen. Although these days Gwen was known as Queen Guinevere.

Ever since that moment, Morgana hated herself for what she had done. How could she have been so stupid? She remembered the crush she used to have on Merlin and how her and Gwen would stay up late talking about Merlin and Arthur. When she first discovered her powers, Merlin had been there for her without question. He kept her secret and went through so much trouble to make sure Morgana knew that she wasn't alone. There were so many times that Merlin had saved her, Arthur, and Gwen. She felt so ashamed. Morgana knew that he was interested in her as well towards the end. He had started to treat her so differently and then Morgause appeared and the rest is history.

"You're not alone," a voice said quietly from behind her.

Morgana turned around surprised, "Merlin. How did you know where I was?"

"I saw you when I was hunting with Arthur. I did a little research and here I am. Come home Morgana," Merlin said softly.

"I can't. I've hurt too many people. I wouldn't be accepted," Morgana answered sitting beside a pond she had found.

Merlin sat beside her, "It's not too late. It will take some time for people to forgive you, but they will eventually."

"I don't deserve that," Morgana answered drawing up her knees under her chin.

"Look at me Morgana," Merlin said commandingly, "You aren't the only one to blame. I had a hand at helping you turn into the person you've become. If I hadn't poisoned you, if I had found another way…"

"Merlin, stop it. I hated you for such a long time for what you had done for me. I trusted you and you abused that trust. It took me awhile, but I know why you did it. My life isn't worth the life of the citizens of Camelot. I see that now. Maybe you didn't use the right approach, but I do understand it now," Morgana explained.

"I hated myself for a long time for poisoning you. I still haven't forgiven myself for it. Come back with me. Everyone makes mistakes. It takes a strong person to face up to them. You won't be alone, I promise," he said as he put a hand on her arm.

"What about the ban on magic?" she asked nervously.

"I'm working on that with Arthur. It's still not lifted, but it will be soon. Arthur, Gwen, and I have some details to iron out first before we lift it," Merlin told her gently.

"I can't come back with you to Camelot," Morgana replied.

"But…" Merlin started to say before she interrupted him.

"I can't come back to Camelot and pretend that nothing happened. I hurt a lot of people and I did terrible things. Things that you don't know and I'm scared that once you find out about them, you'll hate me for them. I don't deserve the kindness that you're showing me, but if you're serious about wanting me to come back then let's take baby steps. Why don't we plan a picnic between you, me, Arthur and Gwen? That way we're on neutral ground and we can talk. See if we can figure something out. I really do want to make up for the harm that I have created," she explained.

"I think that is a great idea. I'll talk to Arthur and Gwen about it right away. I'll send you a raven and we can set up the details. I should get back before they notice that I'm missing although I'm sure Gaius has told them I'm in the tavern again," Merlin said smiling as he helped Morgana stand up, "I know that we did some terrible things to each other and that the trust between us is broken, but I want to fix that. I really have missed you Morgana."

Morgana was taken off guard when Merlin hugged her. She couldn't remember the last time someone hugged her. Slowly, she returned his hug and rested her head on his chest. His warmth and his embrace made her feel safe for the first time in a long time. Merlin released her, gave her one of his easygoing smiles, and left her to her thoughts. Morgana smiled as she remembered his hug. For the first time in a long time, it felt like everything was finally falling into place. Maybe she wasn't destined to be alone. Morgana started walking back to her quaint little house with a bounce in her step, her hopes higher than they had ever been.


End file.
